An open letter to Kurt Vonnegut

Dear Mr. Vonnegut,

We here at The Bow and Grimace would like for you to consider a special 21st century edition of your classic Slaughterhouse 5. Our request comes due to the growing evidence that the anti-glacier movement is actually gaining steam. This is of course a reference to the conversation you recount with movie-maker Harrison Starr on page 3 of the 1991 Laurel edition:

"You know what I say to people when I hear they're writing anti-war books?"
"No. What do you say, Harrison Starr?"
"I say, 'Why don't you write an anti-glacier book instead?"
What he meant, of course, was that there would always be wars, that they were as easy to stop as glaciers. I believe that, too.

You see, Mr. Vonnegut, with all of the youngsters that read your book in middle and high-school (aside from the countless adults, such as ourselves), we believe that it would be sending a wrong message to our youth that ending war and stopping glaciers are tantamount in their level of difficulty. This is because most evidence points to retreating glaciers, while on the other hand one need only watch the nightly news to see that war is just a darned resiliant critter. Sure, there's evidence to show that the amounts of wars in the world are declining, but these days wars are just so easy to start, you know? Moreover, all we have to do to keep the ice caps on the run is to leave our lights on when we're not home or drive one of those wicked-cool H2 Hummers.

Mr. Vonnegut, we have nothing but the utmost respect for you, but we would be honored if you would just treat us to this one request: Change "anti-glacier" to "anti-orbit" or "anti-ocean." Neither of those causes has nearly the same chances of success as the anti-glacier movement does these days.

Thank, and have a good day, sir.

Best Regards,
The Bow and Grimace